Hmm

I guess what she wants is low maintenance friend or something. I m quite numb abit it alr.. it actually doesnt matter what she wants any more.. I no long have the energy to tink about how to keep conversation going, how to ask her out, how to make her happy. Run out of mana if you will. Perhaps she wanted this in the first place, I would never know cos I m too tired too figure anything out already. The hot n cold and the hot doesnt look hot on second glance. Some of my frens say she seems particular nice to me. Thats true but it seems like what I would call 抱歉的关心..

I shall jus keep a distance till the heart dies someday and keep this low maintenance friend thingy. I can do that. Besides this sem is pretty much make or break cos its 6 cores it will be difficult for everyone den its my chance to pull away from the crowd by working harder and then the we can talk abt upgrading the scholarship, internship & exchange etc.

Life requires me to take a change again it seems and I shall. I need to keep my focus this time around. Good luck Kay.

Repeat telecast

Well the story goes.. I didnt noe how but I like a gal that I only intended to be at most good frens with.. didnt even noe when it happen actually.. wasnt even on the radar.. the thing is somewhere along the line I see that she isnt the one.. its like just from a too different world.. so I have decided to be back on the good fren track.. as usual there is this veil of awkwardness now.. at least on my side.. And the what if department in my head keep throw ideas in.. when I m already sick of trying alr.. 2 person in that 1 that head of mine.. been trying to catch her so I can say that I reject myself and lets try b awesome frens instead.. but o well cant seem to catch up... o well.. but thru this I m slowly seeing what kind of gal I actually need..

New start

2013 is coming to a close in a couple of days time, so I decided to make a few changes to my life in a bid to make myself more consistent in things. One of it is to make sure I keep the blogs alive. Gonna do a weekly summary so that I can organise my thoughts better, it seems like my speech and thinking process not as good as they used to be. Also, I would like to organise things a bit and keep it organised as much as possible if not it is just not sustainable I realised. So got to use my tablet a lot more often I guess.

Boring guess aside.. Let's see what have I done in the year 2013

The year started when I m in the last term of my poly life, we were all jaded and clearly not in the mood to study already. So we did many things half-hearted so result wasnt as good as expected but o well. It was also our last MD concert. Missed playing with the band alot.. Think my sound would suck so bad now.. Hahaha..

Random opportunity popped up just before the exams ended, result in me working in school with a not so bad pay. It is also this time that I started teaching ms Tinkerbell sister, ms hello kitty.. Lol.. Lets side track a bit.. This 10 months teaching Adeline, I realised she isn't a bad person, she has her kiddish dreamy side of her but that's OK. In time when she learn about life she will be a better person. She make me want to change my nephew and so I will. Her relationship with her isn't the best, but I tink if they would try to understand and accepting each other for who they are first, then things will work themselves out somehow. Hope they would be better in 2014 I guess. And her result please be good.. Haiz.. If not I will fail as a teacher..

Moving back to the work at school, basically its customer service so it was not the boring admin stuff.. My interpersonal skills got improve during this period, became more opinionated as well though. Was going to interviews during this period so it did kind of helped as well I guess. Kind of sad that go so many only got 1. If my first semester result is 4.2-4.5 range I tink I will try apply again to upsize the sponsorship. Uni life too expensive Sia serious.

April period was grad trip period! First one was Thailand with FOAD. Minus Weijie. O well, should have planned more I feel but overall it was awesome. I will go again definitely. I would want to explore more though this time. Right after that was Taiwan trip with the class.. Haha had lots of fun and its been a long time we could bond like that as a class. Taiwan food seriously... Its half my moon now Loh. Sad thing is they also have monsoon so it rained quite a fair bit there. Miss my poly class people. o well, things change and we cant do much about it.

So went back to work for awhile before going for the orientation camp for hall 7. Well the camp was fun but awkward.. Den school started.. Its a lot faster and a lot more in depth. So it's a bit of a shock. But overall its OK back I guess.. Let's hope my result will be OK. Hahaha its after Christmas so let's not think about it first. So that's about it my 2013.

Exams over~

Exams are finally over!! Hope that its a good start to my NTU life, 4.3 would be good please!  Finally got the time to get everything back in place before year ends. This year have been ridiculously fast, 2013 have been awesome to me so thank you in advance. Let's hope 2014 would be even better.

Hopefully I can write more consistently here, decided that I should move away from twitter already. What for let people who does not really care know about your thoughts. As much as I have the natural tendency to share what I know, not everyone want to hear it anyways. Gonna set up 1 more blog just for my thoughts. So this blog can be more focus on the daily life summary and other boring stuff.

Got myself a new pair of shoes cos i forgot to bring shoes to hall when I was about to report to work from hall

This is quite awesome I must say 

My blog looks ridiculously old.. haha these days i prefer to just save my tots as draft instead of posting but guess need to update here once in a while. 

Well quick update of my life if anyone still reads this blog, finally grad from SP.. guess the time was jus right... i was feeling a little bit jaded in that environment already... so currently in ntu... everyone been asking how come the change from env to civil... well... for job sake actually and the fact that i m always betting on the math components to score and civil have tons of it. I am actually more slack here than back in the SP days.. guess band realli takes up alot of time.. but it oso help to keep me on my toes... for time management and everything.. well really need to find stuff to get me busy and get the momentum again. 

Exams in 2 weeks, my target quite simple actually, surpass my roomie... hahaha... its jus i haven been able to do so for 3 years so i tot would be awesome if i could.. but then again he is really much more hardworking than i am.. plus brain wise hes got a way better engineer mind... i guess abit of competition is healthy right? to do that i guess i got to find back the passion and drive some where.. some how... 

hope the next update wont be that late...   

Hi Blog, its 516am and i somehow dun feel like slping yet so why not blog... its the last day of the holiday b4 the last sem starts.... i noe i gonna miss everything but i guess i cant stay in the mangroves forever... i m a oversize fish alr... need to go out to the sea soon and it tough it all out....

So its gonna be 3 years into poly so what abt it have changed... hmm... i used to alot more that look at the essences of things so much that i m efficient but not human enuff... i m not sure whether now being more human, more weak/lazy in this way for better or worse i guess only time will tell huh... i tot i will be able to understand myself much more than this but apparently i m too dumb to understand myself jus yet... o well...

people also ask me how come poly still no gf, all the xmm and stuff... well i have no idea too... hahaha... guess i m too weird to begin with... i m not the typical guy tts for sure... i dun have a very high standard jus i require everything to run like clockwork if not i will jus look else where... tt seems to be the problem... i dun try... i jus test water... lol... fail den next... o well... plus i m quite a hint idiot if there were any to begin with... i dunno what to write alr... lol... so bye...

Life

I got a feeling that this post title i have used for many times already actually but i will still stick to it. So haven been blogging lately. Well no one actually do come here often i am quite sure of it actually. Lets look at my life for a second here. Currently SP Year 3 DEWT, Sem 1 Term 2. Well, got to study a semester with the class 1 people. Initial thought was it cannot be that bad right? Well actually ya it wasnt as bad as the rest perceive it to be. I am still quite annoyed by someone in my class still though.just plain weirdo. Cant stand him for a second i tell you. And i thought my itp buddy was bad enough. Studies wise, I think i m super duper slack currently, really cant find the motivation that i had in the beginning and the i can overcome all mentality is gone too. I guess i really need it back now and start studying for the modules. My gpa well still not to my liking just yet. Which brings me to the question, where to next? NTU, NUS, SMU, SUTD, overseas ??? well factors many many and i am procrastinating on the research. lets set a personal target of settling this by first week of holiday to have a inital grasp where i can go.

On a personal level, I am quite a confused kid right now. I feel that i am backtracking instead of moving forward. Mistakes, things that i think through before suddenly becomes a issue again. All these is actually quite irritating cos i want to keep moving forward. keep getting stronger faster better and smarter. Hopefully this is just a transition phase. why the hell do i have so many transition phase. then again if not i will be too boring to never change right. I wonder if currently this me is the real me or not. hmmm...

ok band wise.... actually i feel like not playing for the concert already, well the reasons always being the same. I know i cant play well, or rather i m too lazy when playing to ensure all details are played out... the juniors are very very to themselves. I think its our fault actually but this is making me feel very unmotivated playing with a grp of strangers so to speak. On the other hand i do wan to grad from stage during md. So i will try for the last time for now, lets hope that i would stick thru out.

Lets see what else, money wise. i should get a job. i shall start tuitioning i guess. so that i got money to go aus and batam or wherever. Need a income, allowance not enuff. this is actually one of the reason why i dun look for gf cos i cant support myself alr still wan find a gf how to support sia.

which brings me to my love life, well the non existent 1, till now i still dunno what m i looking for in a lady actually. sometimes, the heart wanders but the brain just cuts it down before anything else and i still have the tendency to stick as a fren or close fren becos i believe that friends last forever, relationships does not. well as u go on with life, actually it does not hold. 70% of the friendship is due to proximity, so when  the proximity is removed as we all move on to next other stage of life or when they got to spend time with other friends many a times these friendships will be gone. Just like the clouds, so end up u have none of the two. Another "principle" if you can call it, it is if someone i know like the person, i will never like the same person becos i respect the fren of mine. Which does push away ur potential targets sometimes, too many times for me alr i noe. So i guess i m just gonna tok more to everyone and lets see how. think less feel more i guess.

hmm... went out with the taps today, simple dinner at ps. but going out with them alway works wonders, make me feel that i m refreshed to take on the world again. But for a long time i have realised that i tok very superficially to the people around me. I am not the type that would truely know every single facts about all my frens, constantly talk to them or things like tt.. tis makes me as edwin like to put it, very detached from the rest. well its quite my style since i dunno when. it makes me very mobile, i can go to many places but it also makes me not able to stay in a place for too long. I am not sure its a good thing or not but it does make me feel empty that i dun really noe my frens, come of my best friends even. I would like to know more actually but no one wants to tok to me :( lol...

So from the test, what i wan in life is love, youth and health. i tink love here isnt jus the romance type. i want to be loved by my frens and family as well and even the communities that i m in. i want to be the celebrated 1 but not the one in the limelight, not sure if tt makes any sense but tts what i alway want to achieve already actually. Youth too i guess its true, i cant stand too serious and have to act like my age. Health hmm, true too...
well that basically sums up my life for now. i want to be stronger faster better.