Hi Blog, its 516am and i somehow dun feel like slping yet so why not blog... its the last day of the holiday b4 the last sem starts.... i noe i gonna miss everything but i guess i cant stay in the mangroves forever... i m a oversize fish alr... need to go out to the sea soon and it tough it all out....

So its gonna be 3 years into poly so what abt it have changed... hmm... i used to alot more that look at the essences of things so much that i m efficient but not human enuff... i m not sure whether now being more human, more weak/lazy in this way for better or worse i guess only time will tell huh... i tot i will be able to understand myself much more than this but apparently i m too dumb to understand myself jus yet... o well...

people also ask me how come poly still no gf, all the xmm and stuff... well i have no idea too... hahaha... guess i m too weird to begin with... i m not the typical guy tts for sure... i dun have a very high standard jus i require everything to run like clockwork if not i will jus look else where... tt seems to be the problem... i dun try... i jus test water... lol... fail den next... o well... plus i m quite a hint idiot if there were any to begin with... i dunno what to write alr... lol... so bye...

Life

I got a feeling that this post title i have used for many times already actually but i will still stick to it. So haven been blogging lately. Well no one actually do come here often i am quite sure of it actually. Lets look at my life for a second here. Currently SP Year 3 DEWT, Sem 1 Term 2. Well, got to study a semester with the class 1 people. Initial thought was it cannot be that bad right? Well actually ya it wasnt as bad as the rest perceive it to be. I am still quite annoyed by someone in my class still though.just plain weirdo. Cant stand him for a second i tell you. And i thought my itp buddy was bad enough. Studies wise, I think i m super duper slack currently, really cant find the motivation that i had in the beginning and the i can overcome all mentality is gone too. I guess i really need it back now and start studying for the modules. My gpa well still not to my liking just yet. Which brings me to the question, where to next? NTU, NUS, SMU, SUTD, overseas ??? well factors many many and i am procrastinating on the research. lets set a personal target of settling this by first week of holiday to have a inital grasp where i can go.

On a personal level, I am quite a confused kid right now. I feel that i am backtracking instead of moving forward. Mistakes, things that i think through before suddenly becomes a issue again. All these is actually quite irritating cos i want to keep moving forward. keep getting stronger faster better and smarter. Hopefully this is just a transition phase. why the hell do i have so many transition phase. then again if not i will be too boring to never change right. I wonder if currently this me is the real me or not. hmmm...

ok band wise.... actually i feel like not playing for the concert already, well the reasons always being the same. I know i cant play well, or rather i m too lazy when playing to ensure all details are played out... the juniors are very very to themselves. I think its our fault actually but this is making me feel very unmotivated playing with a grp of strangers so to speak. On the other hand i do wan to grad from stage during md. So i will try for the last time for now, lets hope that i would stick thru out.

Lets see what else, money wise. i should get a job. i shall start tuitioning i guess. so that i got money to go aus and batam or wherever. Need a income, allowance not enuff. this is actually one of the reason why i dun look for gf cos i cant support myself alr still wan find a gf how to support sia.

which brings me to my love life, well the non existent 1, till now i still dunno what m i looking for in a lady actually. sometimes, the heart wanders but the brain just cuts it down before anything else and i still have the tendency to stick as a fren or close fren becos i believe that friends last forever, relationships does not. well as u go on with life, actually it does not hold. 70% of the friendship is due to proximity, so when  the proximity is removed as we all move on to next other stage of life or when they got to spend time with other friends many a times these friendships will be gone. Just like the clouds, so end up u have none of the two. Another "principle" if you can call it, it is if someone i know like the person, i will never like the same person becos i respect the fren of mine. Which does push away ur potential targets sometimes, too many times for me alr i noe. So i guess i m just gonna tok more to everyone and lets see how. think less feel more i guess.

hmm... went out with the taps today, simple dinner at ps. but going out with them alway works wonders, make me feel that i m refreshed to take on the world again. But for a long time i have realised that i tok very superficially to the people around me. I am not the type that would truely know every single facts about all my frens, constantly talk to them or things like tt.. tis makes me as edwin like to put it, very detached from the rest. well its quite my style since i dunno when. it makes me very mobile, i can go to many places but it also makes me not able to stay in a place for too long. I am not sure its a good thing or not but it does make me feel empty that i dun really noe my frens, come of my best friends even. I would like to know more actually but no one wants to tok to me :( lol...

So from the test, what i wan in life is love, youth and health. i tink love here isnt jus the romance type. i want to be loved by my frens and family as well and even the communities that i m in. i want to be the celebrated 1 but not the one in the limelight, not sure if tt makes any sense but tts what i alway want to achieve already actually. Youth too i guess its true, i cant stand too serious and have to act like my age. Health hmm, true too...
well that basically sums up my life for now. i want to be stronger faster better.
 

LOL.... just realise my last post is DEC 2011 sia~~~~ hahaha... o well, guess i dun realli post my tots in blogs much anymore.. time reali flies i guess, as long as u r not in the army... apr alr sia... some update of my life now. Currently, itp-ing at PUB. its reali awesome that 3mth itp = they can give us more substantial stuff to do. so each of us here at PUB is assigned to help in 1 project each... cool huh? didnt noe much abt my project beforehand though but as i learn actually it is quite interesting... my brain actually willing to learn what i refuse to absorb in class previously... guess i m reali a experimental learner have to go out there and experience everything myself. The colleagues are realli nice actually and most of them r actually quite young... not quite what i expected, hahaha my supervisor/buddy as they call it is actually 2 yo den me only... she is super duper nice, actually ask me what i wan to learn and she help me from there as well as look thru my work b4 grading the part she is suppose to grade. :))) Hopefully more ppl come and eat lunch with me though... hahaha... i am actually starting to be able to appreciate zh sia... lol... our backgrounds and workstyle is very diff... his is the plan everything keep thinking and thinking ahead 1... overkill to make sure things runs... mine is chill only focusing on efficient use of my effort... 1 shot 1 kill... using only right amt of force.. of cos his is safer mine will risk not enuff force/effort being put in on the first try. his would appear more kanchiong spider~ so mine have more class... LOLOL... K... none is wrong nonetheless.... i learn quite a bit from him actually... hahaha on the other intern i tink she is sick of both of us alr... boring... o well...

Moving on to other stuff... i actually wanted to do a blog post on awesomeness of 2011 of all the things i did for that year but kind of only remb it now... o well... hahahahaha i think procrastination and sloth is my greatest obstacle alway... hmm... Saw the kili teams pictures!!! omg looks awesome wan to hear stories from them!!!!!! hahahaha... too bad i was out of cash and got itp cant go... :(((

ah~ love life... hahaha... nthing much happened actually... u noe like a game of mahjong... i have a set of tiles that have abit of everything suit and big tiles... i realli to play which direction... and i dunno who and me got spark actually... and well i guess i haven recovered still... no guts to go all out alr... there is 1 thr ppl try to push us tgt but some say i actually deserve better lol... tt's rare... but the problem is actually is i dunno what she 1... it would appear she wan to awesome frens only... so i assume so lo...

havent had any other targets though... ppl alway say u in poly leh!! so many xmm... lol... but i guess i have no taste for xmm actually... i need someone with brains on par as mine that can keep me on my toes... that got link/synergy thats all i need actually... very hard meh~~ lol...

o well guess see fate lo...

I am going to try to on my effort mode longer and bigger trying to see where is my limit... too slack for too long till i dunno where is my limit alr...

Lastly..........................................................................................................................................................................

but not the least..........................................................................................................................................................................

Happy 1st Birthday TAPs!!! :)

let see if i can piece tgt the story of us of the entire year

it all began... from this camp

telunas camp

We all went for the leap camp for spot. each knowing just 1 or 2 really well.... I got to noe TeoHan and followed by jacq cos she was with janis in the other group. Yinsoon was in my group too... didnt realli talk to him alot though cos we abit no link... weijie was in the other team though didnt have much interaction cos grp 1,2 do diff stuff from 3,4 b4 swopping.. so is dexter and yahui... actually i didnt noe which grp yy is frm actually.. my bad... so tt sums up the link coming form my view...

cos i was bored or smth asked if ppl have twitter on the fb grp... so got to add a few ppl... 1 of them was yahui... didnt pay much attention to her previously actually... first impression was this friendly but loud/noisy gal... sorry sis :) hahaha... actually pay more attention on the other gal... the dexter scandal... xinyi... lol... cos she tis aura that i dunno what to describe with actually... so ok twitter... some random day... somehow we managed to organise a going out... weird combi though didnt noe how it happen... so its ys, yh, me and xy... LOL... when we nv tok much during camp me and ys and i nv tok to yh and xy at all i tink... hahaha... it turns out weirdly ok though... i remb we ate the burger thingy in town... thats how i got to tok to yh and xy more though...

aft tt... hmm...

jacq, janis, me wj, th went to eat steamboat and tao huey with the pic dated 10-4-11 remb we tok alot abt ours lives that time... hahaha... guess it is easier to tok to ppl usually out of ur main social circle at that time. 

jacq birthday.. special guest merlin

spsb charity concert... taps came to support!!! cos there is 4 of us in the band i tink it is ard this time that the name came into existence

more pictures... jus realized there is alot of pictures if i put i wont finish this post till next week... shall stop here... this concludes part 1 abt tap~