Life

I got a feeling that this post title i have used for many times already actually but i will still stick to it. So haven been blogging lately. Well no one actually do come here often i am quite sure of it actually. Lets look at my life for a second here. Currently SP Year 3 DEWT, Sem 1 Term 2. Well, got to study a semester with the class 1 people. Initial thought was it cannot be that bad right? Well actually ya it wasnt as bad as the rest perceive it to be. I am still quite annoyed by someone in my class still though.just plain weirdo. Cant stand him for a second i tell you. And i thought my itp buddy was bad enough. Studies wise, I think i m super duper slack currently, really cant find the motivation that i had in the beginning and the i can overcome all mentality is gone too. I guess i really need it back now and start studying for the modules. My gpa well still not to my liking just yet. Which brings me to the question, where to next? NTU, NUS, SMU, SUTD, overseas ??? well factors many many and i am procrastinating on the research. lets set a personal target of settling this by first week of holiday to have a inital grasp where i can go.

On a personal level, I am quite a confused kid right now. I feel that i am backtracking instead of moving forward. Mistakes, things that i think through before suddenly becomes a issue again. All these is actually quite irritating cos i want to keep moving forward. keep getting stronger faster better and smarter. Hopefully this is just a transition phase. why the hell do i have so many transition phase. then again if not i will be too boring to never change right. I wonder if currently this me is the real me or not. hmmm...

ok band wise.... actually i feel like not playing for the concert already, well the reasons always being the same. I know i cant play well, or rather i m too lazy when playing to ensure all details are played out... the juniors are very very to themselves. I think its our fault actually but this is making me feel very unmotivated playing with a grp of strangers so to speak. On the other hand i do wan to grad from stage during md. So i will try for the last time for now, lets hope that i would stick thru out.

Lets see what else, money wise. i should get a job. i shall start tuitioning i guess. so that i got money to go aus and batam or wherever. Need a income, allowance not enuff. this is actually one of the reason why i dun look for gf cos i cant support myself alr still wan find a gf how to support sia.

which brings me to my love life, well the non existent 1, till now i still dunno what m i looking for in a lady actually. sometimes, the heart wanders but the brain just cuts it down before anything else and i still have the tendency to stick as a fren or close fren becos i believe that friends last forever, relationships does not. well as u go on with life, actually it does not hold. 70% of the friendship is due to proximity, so when  the proximity is removed as we all move on to next other stage of life or when they got to spend time with other friends many a times these friendships will be gone. Just like the clouds, so end up u have none of the two. Another "principle" if you can call it, it is if someone i know like the person, i will never like the same person becos i respect the fren of mine. Which does push away ur potential targets sometimes, too many times for me alr i noe. So i guess i m just gonna tok more to everyone and lets see how. think less feel more i guess.

hmm... went out with the taps today, simple dinner at ps. but going out with them alway works wonders, make me feel that i m refreshed to take on the world again. But for a long time i have realised that i tok very superficially to the people around me. I am not the type that would truely know every single facts about all my frens, constantly talk to them or things like tt.. tis makes me as edwin like to put it, very detached from the rest. well its quite my style since i dunno when. it makes me very mobile, i can go to many places but it also makes me not able to stay in a place for too long. I am not sure its a good thing or not but it does make me feel empty that i dun really noe my frens, come of my best friends even. I would like to know more actually but no one wants to tok to me :( lol...

So from the test, what i wan in life is love, youth and health. i tink love here isnt jus the romance type. i want to be loved by my frens and family as well and even the communities that i m in. i want to be the celebrated 1 but not the one in the limelight, not sure if tt makes any sense but tts what i alway want to achieve already actually. Youth too i guess its true, i cant stand too serious and have to act like my age. Health hmm, true too...
well that basically sums up my life for now. i want to be stronger faster better.