super early in the morning just to study sce cos it jus wont go in last night... o well b4 tt jus felt like blogging so here i m... well its this time of the year again... last year i jus got to noe a colour ard this period... yup mst period too i remb... both happen to study in the band rm for mst...didnt study thr for her though... didnt like her back then i remb... it was till much later... but o well past its past...

i tink i have resolved my problems with her alr actually, hope tt we can actually be normal toking friends again.. o well i will try to work for it but it wont be ez i guess...

which brings me to other issues... haven tok to the current 1 for some time alr... guess me am a very easily replaced person ba... o well... but there is just a fear in me that if i go ahead like with the lady from the top, the colour... then the chance of repeat telecast will happen... guess i cant go thru the same thing 2x in a year... lady chases shadow of the old.... me comes along trying very hard... too hard... another guys comes along... she start chasing that shadow instead jus like tt... tinking abt it send chills down my spine of the hollowness of the soul i felt back in feb... shall not tink into further details... this fear... well... i dunno what to do with it actually... i tink it will lesser as time goes if i actually follow the saggi way... hmm... but now... i jus dun dare to try so hard...

dun dare till i changed my mind abt working with her, abt many things... i m actually affected seeing there r ppl so nice to her and her putting all down in the blog... jus like what happen with the colour actually...

guess i only dare to fly like the wind this time b4 going too deep into this unless something pops out and fate show me tt i shd... guess that would jus be my brain showing me what i wan to see anw... guess i shd have stick with originally plan of mine... be everyone's fren... i tink i m better at that... guess not mine to keep ba... still need to mia with my sis when my original plan was jus to get the card, give u all herbal tea tinking u all might be toking the whole day like it fair like tt... =.= o well...

Mst is coming... time to really study and restock my stationary... went back to gysb band camp... still feel weird going back as 23 yo... older den the older ones by 4 yrs... rawr!! but then why i go back is based on a very simple idea... i jus wan to see gysb grown beyond what we couldnt do in the past... and if i can do my little part i would... hahaha couldnt tok much to the sax section cos i dunno them at all... lol... n dun wan bore them with my gramps like stories... nevertheless get to know some of them abit better... jus abit... hopefully i dun alway jus stick to hui ting they all for the alumni practices

I m actually still pissed about the moonlight bao yu thingy i dunno why... lol... guess no one touches my juniors...

i tink i jus gonna leave u be... i m sick of trying to guess and get it right when there is no right in the first places.. wont emo as much cos u r not at a colour lvl... fortunately or unfortunately....

jus to remind i shall write it here....

tue

skip first lesson see i wan to study or sleep more tml...

finish sch go for the hype interview... hope it is short... collect stand chart

go gy... hopefully can study abit... or i will stay in sch to study... see my mood and anyone heading down anot...if i do i will go home bring study stuff and kk stuff to camp over shd try to interact with more ppl more... if nt like a boring only... i might stay tml night over in gy... see if jason allow anot... shall do more work hopefully... go to sch wed 8am... hope i do actually slp... lol... go for kk training at bukit timah.... hopefully not cancel like last week... go back bath and see if i can get back gy in time for prac... will drive thr to get saxophone at least and see if i wan stay anot... lol...

thur i go vivo buy anything i need to buy for kk trip aft sch... and then come back for dip plus... by right is tue 1... shall see thur lesson what time...and friday got quiz then kk kit check... sat got band again... aft tt shall full mugging mode.. sun is stand chart... rawr!

hmm... it seems i rarely do recount of the day anymore here... its alway emo shit... guess tt bcos i prefer to put it here then to mafan ppl listen to me whine... and my whine is too honest for most ppl... so if u read jus b prepared if u nt happy with whatever i say...

lets recount... today woke up on time surprisingly but its the meeting time tt i woke up too... was toking to munch abit... woot so many more ppl got iphone... naise... i tink its the first time we tok till so serious... lol... its alway the lame stuff tt we would tok abt... anw... woke up to call jes to go gym... drove to gym... gym was awesome but i keep zoning out tinking abt some...thing... till got scolded by jes... lol.. aft tt was back home to pack up to go sch to study with cheryl and wj... didnt gotten much done cos gotten super emo... hmm... reread that for afew times... guess.. reali reali happy ba... hmm...

awesome simple day... plus cheap carpark fee of 2.14 nia in ps... i tot would b higher...

hmm... aft tinking abt it for a few days... well i realised me still a very reactive person even though i strive to less of tt... things or ppl tt matter... i m still unable to be calm and unreactive... my tongue still very sly... n i still say things tt i cant take in back in the heat of moment and tinking. i guess i expect too much out of this because everything seems so fated and so on its way... but end of the day why me so like tt is i am a person tt dread uncertainty... and this type of thing its alway an uncertainty... i tink i wan jus to feel noticed and matters... to try to find out if i m actually given a chance.. tt if its even possible... or i m jus thr to keep u from getting bored...the sometime close and sometimes cold thing... i realli cant tell... but guess me jus another fren ba... guess my initial assessment long long ago..is correct ba... too diff world too high lvl for me...

some stuff i said i feel super dumb now... but o well... saggi me sucks... i need my ps3... i need to a game nerd... rawr... feel so noob abt tis type of thing... guess if i m too experience in tis = i would b a jerk alr... then again i guess gals likes jerks... jus tt they would marry a nice guy... till then its jerks all the way... so is it sad life me or sad life them? hmm the song...

november rain...

hahahaha... actually i dunno what to write... what to feel... what to do these days... i have no idea what u wan seriously... a distractor to pass time? Irritated by disappearing acts, not tt i m the crazy for anyone but i tink its super duper rude firstly... second, its like i did something wrong like tt sia...too clingy or whatever... and i dunno whats wrong... =.= den again i care lesser and lesser each time anyone does tt... like the mirror principle... why shd i care abt anyone when i m given none... its jus a hollowness thing here... n BS loh if u have a similar principle... totally not following...

on other issues, DEC gonna get super duper bz!!!! starting from nov actually...

FYP

GYSS band camp + prac woot jap graf 4!

helping coor the GYSS concert

mount kk training

buy mount kk stuff

everyones bday

starting work next weekend that eats into first day of the kk trip ( trying to see isit evening den go) , mst and section comp day..... if its not u i wouldnt go actually...

band prac leading to MD

making buying MD gifts

10km run

ky garden project

other smaller sch work

omg i haven get the form signed... ugh...

dodgeball training

oya... band... hmm... i dunno why thing can get so complicated.... i dunno why my good frens can get so complicated... too young? power? influence? no idea... 1 tt shoots down ideas, talk n actions differs, not matured yet with a kid jealous emotions alway on... o i noe why... a cusp... explains... o well.... others all have their problems at least they dun poke me... o well... sure hope my eyelight dun go wrong tis time...

i alway outsource leadership and decision making to other ppl as i hate commitment... i hate being tied down by responsibilty... but end up i alway regrets... cos... not everyone i can respect as a leader... rarely in fact... cos i have such high expectations of a leader... o well.... i guess tis chill freelance life suits me too even though i like leading but no like be tied down... hahaha... problem child myself...

Sagittarius: (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

You feel as if you have several golden opportunities in your romantic life today. You'll be lucky in love, so pick your next direction and start your journey.

from http://www.twittascope.com/sagittarius/sagittarius-lovescopes.php

i wish i noe whr to go seriously... stay or go...

i like u if it is not obvious enuff... but i have no idea what u wan us to be as i tink i said b4... frens, good fren, or more... whatever i do, say, sms is all due to the uncertainty of all these... but in reality i tink i wont have much time or $$ for tis actually... LOL....

i think i need someone that can be super honest, open, interesting or got link, independent ,not complaining abt the whole world, give me space when i need, fill up the space when i need...

sis

hmm it seems that i m having a realli big family tree again without noticing... sp i have 1wife =.= james 3 sons mark hassan huayang, 2 daughters isey and sophia... 1 dad jiajun... 2 sis tt i wan to call... yahui and candy....

today let tok abt sis... lol...

i define as ppl whom i find very awesome and i wan them in my life for as long as possible... i wan to noe alot of their life usually but sadly this 2 dun reali like to tok to me :( hmm, once a sis they can be nth else.. but usually i am abit mean to them i mus say alway suaning them... joining others to suan them oso.. but if anything happen tat is serious i will be serious and do whatever i can to help... my usually jus dun spell my feelings nowadays... o well...

yahui!

met her in the spot camp... basically the catalyst of what is the tap now... so no her no tap :(

from DIB which super cannot tell cos she dun have the biz face.. i seriously tink she go wrong course alr... if nt i tink her gpa will be better.... i call her dentist sometimes cos her name is ya-e... she is a half jap!!! hahaha explains the nice eyes... the singaporean part explains the height and fig... LOL...she is not stupid la... i say jkingly onli... but the sad thing is she nt close to me 1... wont tell me much... reply short like mad... sometimes i dunno if she wan be my sis anot sia... o well... i m sure if i more goodlooking things will be diff... hahaha...

Candy

met her from the mongolia trip... super duper nice !!!!! :) hahaha... i very long nv see a person so awesome yet so nice to ppl alr... alway willing to entertain me when i m bored... i m bored everyday...LOL... so... hahaha... sure hope she would let me hear more of her things instead of jus hearing me crap! :( why no one believe i would like to listen to ppl problems 1 sia... sure hope she stay long long in my life... hahaha

on other stuff

currently i m a wrong state of mind... i dunno how to tok to u seriously... be nice be mean... dun care or care... i dunno... i tink i m behaving like a kid but its jus how a saggi would behave ba i guess... i dun feel like doing anything... dun feel like going for lesson and stuff... shd normalize my life and stay away from u.... shd? no idea...

what to do?

hmm... we dun tok much now do we... guess i m a very easily replaceable person... o well... hahaha tt what u get for being hum sup and not handsome.... guess she led me on by accident... didnt even realised what she was doing... i dunno what to do tis 1... fren, good fren or hi bye fren... hmm...1 side of me cant reali be bothered alr aft what happen to me ard the same time last yr... i dun wan similar events to happen alr... tinking tt i shdnt even bother in the first place seriously... i shd stick with living my life can alr... whatever popby den so be it... the other side is tinking... nah shdnt be tinking... shall not tink so much and live my life the way it should be... balanced and simple... i create my own colours now....

o... i haven replace nic's umbrella!!! 2wks alr...zzzzz rawr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

clouds

problems are like clouds, some r big some r small, some so fluffy u feel like dying... it might cover up ur whole sky... but on the side of the problem is the sun and clouds give us water just like problems give us experience... problems like clouds u can either whine about it or appreciate it...

random max... lol... k i have decided to go back to play for MD estimating that my things will get bz right aft it... guess if thr is anything i cant leave behind is saxophone even though i m getting from noob to noober... guess i got start self prac alr... hmm...

completed the garden with the GT... woot... tt concludes our project basically... like a happy only.

as for her well i dunno what to do seriously sia.. i guess shd run away in case i get hurt.. cos i reali dunno what she wan... no pt tinking so much... i m quite reluctant to fight for lost cause aft what happen the same period last yr... so... bye! sad love life... but everything else in my life like a nice only so i guess the guy up thr is very nice to me alr :)))

i left with 2 mths to try to get ippt gold for tt extra 200... LOL.... jyjy!!!

hmm which way?

Back from Korea, dun reali wan to blog about it... the tot of quit band slip into my mind again after seeing the gold with honors. But seriously, there is 4 tenor plus liyi and lucus den 6 alr... at most the band need 2... with 4-6 us means we have to play soft, and we r not pro enuff to maintain that volume with a good tone, everytime we play, i grinned, i cant stand the tone. end up tone was never in the rest of the tenors mind i dunno y... they dun take note of what i dunno...we r not used to playing loud plus tone plus soloistic... so most of our solos r jus notes... i tink quiting would help them alot. Furthermore, i got dip plus which eats up 1 practise every week, i hate the feeling of not knowing how to play and dragging everyone down... i irk the feeling... even with all the prac i alr dun sound nice, worse with the amt of prac that i would have... lastly, currently my family financially not doing well thank to my dad so no more traveling and wild spending for now, and i can teach tuition with the extra time. i only have 24 hrs a day 7 days week... something got to go... i m sick of being in such a judgmental place with obsoletes still around...seeing such a virus tormenting the grp alr... but i cant do much i sort of help the virus into them... guess kk was right so long ago... 这个女人不是一个好东. k abit mean but ya...

The Vast, The big, The fluffy , The soul

Hi all, haven blog for some time alr... was in Inner Mongolia for 2 weeks in Duolun county to help 治樹. The weather was really cold and dry, got to feed my skin with moisturizer and lips the lip balm but i got lazy some whr in between. Lowest temp we experience was as low as 5 deg. during the 蒙古包stay.

We start with a nite stay in BJ den followed by a 8 hr trip up the mountain roads to Duo Lun.

BJ and duolun is reali reali diff.. duolun are all the old sch shophouses in blocks but BJ are much more modern in their buildings and much faster pace. After that was orientating the ground whr gonna dig... up the 2 hills to see the awesome view and visualise how it as sand dunes and desert everywhr... soon we started work... reali enjoyed the blue sky, the clouds, the wind, the accompanying by everyone of the GT, the natural, and i didnt sweat for the digging part when i tot we would be sweating like mad.. aft tt was the putting in of the sapling den we realise we dig over our target and so we completed 1133 tree planting.. we took pics on the railway track that was beside the digging site when the sunset... the pics mus be so beautiful as the sun set! we had tons of food from day 1, was super adventurous for this trip... trying all the food and any food... but their oil, chilli, salt like free 1 sia... jus spam onli but overall i tink the food is still nice~ some are reali awesome... i can jus eat those day in day out... like the porridge plus the toufu! but sadly didnt get to try the some of the exotic stuff... we spent mid autumn fest as a grp in Duolun with the fireworks and the we mongolian mooncake... freezing but it was warm in the heart for such a fest...

after that we when ard touring and know abt the importance of duolun in the past and many other historic monuments to understand how history run its course here... get to reali know about everyone and reflect abt my life as well... i manage to complete all the goals i set out to do mayb except the 1 abt getting a gf... was tinking if 1 of them is possible but felt that she too high lvl alr plus like play play like tt onli.. she feel like a poison like the colours previously so shall not continue... the other 1... tt everyone think we got 1 leg 1... well i dunno that how so just see how ba...

overall i tink everyone grown and got closer... hopefully we could carry it forward... reali hope so...

a few exceptionally awesome ppl

adhi

only get to know him well during the trip, i can tell he is reali a good person with alot of passion in everything he do.. and he is able to see the little little things tt most ppl miss out... did the marking making our lives so much ez-er..

candy

my log boss that is gonna stalk this post later so i shd write political correct stuff for her... hohoho... Get to know her only during this trip, really glad to know her!! hahaha... very very nice person that alway tahan my randomness, nice nice girl to talk to... like a awesome only...

kai

fellow saggi... i tink she is reali very saggi... k sound wrong but ya... very awesome person... hahaha... like cool and pretty with the pink hair... hahaha...

azmi

reali awesome person that know and trying to enjoy and live life, someone that have substance, reali reali funny person as well dare to act funny and stuff. reali reali brother brother person...

nick

before the trip, my view abt him wasnt too good cos of the gossips n rumors abt him.. but my views abt him change totally during the trip. he is reali awesome... glad i didnt tok to him with a closed mind and now he a great friend...

hope i have grown enuff from this trip to tahan whatever the world have to throw at me... hopefully this isnt another 1sided thingy...

Hi life y u sho like tt?

Its the exam period currently, but next paper is 4 day later with a few chapters to study so guess i shall start studying tml.. just had prata supper with munchee.. she look different everytime i see her... lol... i no like find parking at thomson sia... actually i jus hate parking... very stress i feel... no wonder hongkong drama last time alway got show those ppl help u park ur car 1... haha.. though it was bery weird cos we haven tok to each other much for very long time and we nv tok to other ppl from the ogl grp much either so nth much to tok abt from my side i could tink of.. lol... but still very nice to see her.. hahaha... alway nice to see old frens... guess we are all getting old... she is in her last year in uni going out to work in a yr time or smth... wish her the best of luck... haha... awesome person there...

On other things, the world has alway been scary... its even scarier when no one is doing anything about it. a small part of me actually wish 2012 it true so it stop all these bullshit that is happening. the rest shall give my wishes that the world do have a future and life be better for everyone.. i guess life isnt so bad... if u look at it positively...

Sure hope at least sch side the money would come soon... zzzz... i onli got the 200 out my target 1750 in my bank currently to fund everything for my Mongolia and korea trip... zzzz...

first trip to Mongolia

5 Sep to 18 Sep to do reforestation and do my little part of helping the world and see China as part of the deal... not bad a deal huh...

2nd trip to Korea

Band exchange in korea! hope they dun own us... lol... uni band sia... some how i dun have good feeling abt tis trip but still will try to enjoy as much as possible b4 close shop for any trips till mayb grad...

aft all these... i would have visited 4 countries and 5 places all within this year... like a awesome only...

Hope the guy get some karma for bullying my godsis... where can like tt 1... disgrace to guys sia seriously, funny why gal alway like jerks... but still i rather not be 1... i have many names... perhaps too many, Father, son, old man, spp, uncle, awesome uncle, bro, korkor... guess i still missing 1... but no one would call me that i guess for a long time... i hope this 2 trips that i m going gonna be the getaway that i need to rid the feelings for the distractor... which i shd have done a long long time ago... weird tt eventhough we didnt go out much, didnt tok much, didnt do much but still like the distractor... but she is a pure saggi... uncatchable... maybe i shd be 1 as well like i used to be... life fun enough now anws.... guess i shall continue to on my radar for fun as per normal... tok to gals more than to guys as usual... and lead the no string attached kind of life... life of a saggi...

not bad i write alot of shit alr... forgot abt ibm... hahaha... 2nd ibm... those it was reali nice and well organised... great job lionel and cheryl... though the tuning problem is alway there... dunno if i shd play for md actually... i do wan to say good bye to the year 3 on stage of esplanade but... so many saxophone how sia seriously... i dun like to play soft btw cos of so many ppl have to soften down more den usual and not like i super zai soft still good tone like tt... very irritated if i got a poor tone... haiz... see how ba this 1... gyss alumini band... hope shai can play! hahaha... guess i still got not alot of link with they all yet... lol... guess only time can do such magic...

Change

Many things have change over the past year, me, my frens, the world. i know that change is the only constant saying but sometimes i wonder if it is for the better or for the worse. Sometimes i tink situations change doesnt reali affect as much as the change of heart and mentality. Cos i find alot of the people ard r as tired aft yr 1... but actually the workload actually didnt change tt much. jus we all got lazy and complacent. when i tink we shd be getting stronger , faster , better but nope... so i dunno isit good to let it be...

another change is that i am showing more of the Sagittarius side of me alr... but not exact showing a improvement in working hard... i m too good at dodging arrow and lazy at putting effort and soul into my work... which is frustrating cos i wan to get better but there is this constant auto lazyness... ugh.. hope aft my personality shift and stuff its over its a better me...
still the core remains though, i think about life alot, how to make it better while looking out for stuff are alr there and appreciate, i tink i m less complicated than alot of ppl. I drink occasionally but i only drink when i have to, if nt i would avoid. Club i dun club cos i tink its a waste of money to so call get into the 'trendy prefix' n i dun like to mix of ppl thr. i like to meet new people, tok to new people but jus to see new perspectives of life. i like to tok to ladies more den guys alot , but i mean nth at all sia actually, no like i got the looks for a hua hua gong zi... looks attracts my attention but its the heart n character tt can make me stay i realise. I m still looking but not so fiercely actually, i guess the guy up there alway have a plan but at least i have to look out for it right.. sometimes i m grateful about how i m... i m observant abt little things in life and appreciate them, and this makes me a forever optimist, inturn made my life ez-er to live n nt pass by like others would put it.

There is too much things happening in my life currently? actually not yet i feel but i m jus nt putting enuff effort to even match last year efforts. which is again irritating... i dun tink i m spreading myself too thin yet but jus nt using my time efficient enuff... the skillscan that i did in stanford and many other things make me realise mayb engineering mayb nt my thingy entire, i can do the things but it doesnt utilse my abilities naturally, jus tt i naturally feel i mus have standard in everything i do so i can get by exams assign n stuff still ok-ly... lol... so i looking for alternatives whr i can study actually i can be more tapped...

current happening, got back to play there, hahaha some how tt place tt we practise got the bwl br feel... no idea why... m very happy abt it... alway have the exile feeling no idea y...
going mongolia for ocip... reali like the grp i dunno y... cos it has reali awesome ppl... and the work its gonna test me but i noe i gonna like it... den 2 days aft i come back i will go korea with sp band... hope its gonna be awesome have my fingers crossed... k shall stop here due to the piling up of work...

Back

Time is starting to fly.. jus in a flash... i m back in singapore... its 1 mth since i left for US... its mid july alr... i lazy to tell to ppl that might or might nt b interested in the stories when i was thr so ask me if u are reali interested cos i dun wan to bore ppl out.

To sum it up though, i like the culture alot. both here n thr have its pro n con from the way we do things. but the way we do things are diff... the way we think is diff... its reali awesome to experience a totally diff culture eventhough we r so westernised but still thr r vast diff. i tink the whole experience reali have rekindled alot in me as a person. the brain is tinkering. i wan to b creative again. i wan to make changes again. i wan to explore and discover more. this trip is a starting point like colin have say. and i can see nt jus for me for many of my frens as well. its reali a pity tt mark didnt come with us cos i tink he would absolutely love it.

As usual a escape enable me to realign myself. to see my life in a new perspective. now its the time to send kiddo to slp and bring back u. no more hiding no more scare ofs.... let see what happens...

on other stuff... so so sorry if i didnt give anyone present cos i see present if i tink of u den i will buy... at most general stuff nia like choco which i have no space n $$ to buy alr... sorry sorry.

10 things i realise

1. i have a very opposite character and personality

2. my character is very saggi

3. personality is a advocate

4. result in a very weird me due to the conflicting qualities

5. my heart is very very very closed

6. my mind is very very very open currently

7. i shrink responsibilities like mad... when i shd b taken up more.

8. i noe what to do, say , think usually but it jus doesnt come out or come out right

9. i m riding on luck n potential alone, i need put more effort and go all out...

10. i m still very single :((( LOL...

i shall target diploma with merit tt means basically being top 2 person in my course... i shall do it... nearer target make it to the honor roll. i need to do more. i need to bring u out cursatory.

shall use my tumblr for the 2wk in US
http://cursatory.tumblr.com/

distant star

still so pretty the distant star... stop tinking alr kay heng... u fail to make the grade tt all

hmm... i notice a change in my personality and the personality test quite confirm it... its in a transition stage, there was 4 such events that has happen b4... 2 good 2 bad once... i reali wan tis 1 to be even better den good.... cos the previous was good... lets hope my frens wont get bad impression of me during tis transition period and when it end i wan to b a better man...

i guess i balance my life back again alr... guess i wont be working ba... i shall use the time to balance back everything....

as i expected it only took 1 week to suppress the sadness... cos its actually being around for dunno how long alr... i notice the change quite long alr... jus needed answers... got it... let it bled n now i m a happier man...

Rotting at the airport aft sending yubing off.. What a coincidence… Her good fren shiny ba.. The aunt or smth is actually my ex hr director :) haha Alway very nice to me 1… Haha saw her at the bk… Anw since now everyone rotting at polar now might as well do my aar… So here goes..

Let’s start from the beginning.. Jan 2010.. I was still in Mohh working as a admin temp to pass 1 year so I can apply for uni or if cannot go in den poly.. So I was quite low tt time… With no target n goal in sight at time.. Life wasn’t life then.. Jus slogging the routine for $$.. but at least the ppl there are still ok.. Feb the new year, the relatives crazy convincing me n my mom tt I shd go poly instead.. I guess tis was 1 of the most dreaded cny period I had.. I left Mohh tis mth too aft working for 7 mths here.. Mar, I was slacking while applying for poly, saw environmental management n water technology course in Sp.. Ard tt time hmm seems like what I can do.. Science plus math=engineering outdoor plus indoor work.. Color blind nvm.. Hmm so why nt.. I dun wan like the rest of my frens tt follow the usual go in uni do biz or engine if nt go uol sim do biz stuff.. Everything abt biz.. Considering my language cmi and everyone is doing it I guess nt my cup of tea behind a desk day in day out.. At least tt my impression.. I nid smth diff.. I dun tink i wan my life like tt.. I nid indoor outdoor.. On paper n on practical.. With dead stuff n with ppl.. I guess I made the right choice.. Apr was the start of poly life.. Was quite a experience even though being thru army alr.. Fun starting to know ppl.. I Alway like to noe new ppl.. May.. Didnt follow my plan abt cca.. Didn’t wan to join band becos I break for 3 years I not pro in the first place.. :( wasn’t my confident side n I noe will spend alot time.. Wanted to join sm weird running club or smth.. But I guess it’s fate.. Got 4 band ppl in my class.. All end up going band Tgt.. Jun.. Tis part was Reali blur.. Cannot remb wat happen.. Hmm fo camp? Haha was lots of fun.. Saw abit of band behind the scene drama alr.. Was Tinking whether I shd stay at tt time.. July No memory of anything special here.. Aug IBM , nite cycling cip n msia study trip.. Fun fun fun.. Munchee bday on IBM day if I nv remb wrongly.. Haha.. She won’t appear Anw… Sep, can’t remb anything.. Marina barrage event ba!? Oct nth much Nov.. Saw a new face in band.. Got Jj n chin Haow toking.. Was jus there with o ya nt bad ah.. Didnt see anything special though.. Liyi say is year 3 den I stun.. Lol.. Got to noe tt new face.. Hmm first impression.. Very Lian… And like to tell ppl what she like when no one was actually listening.. Hmm.. Dec.. Got to noe the new face slightly better.. Wasn’t gonna like her.. Heard sm story abt her.. Hmm wasnt good.. My bday.. Wasnt expecting to be tt good.. Timbre n had a fun time..in a long time.. Was toking to the new face otw there.. Hmm why she was there in the first place… Oya they tot I like tt y they ask.. I was jus Tinking.. But I tot would be super duper difficult.. What triggered it? No idea… Perhaps is the willingness to do the scandal stuff ba.. Then got Her bday, christmas n christmas eve..things got reali reali complicated i guess... or mayb not...

jan 2011

k let include the 3 mths to conclude the academic year... so jan... well there was musical delights didnt play as well as i wan but i still happy with the result.. i must work harder!! the whole thing was so tiring yet fun when i m with awesome peps...

feb 2011

its the chinese new year! mass visiting a few of the band ppl hse!! was reali reali quite fun... haha got the road trip at nite... ard tt time is the time i realise smth wrong... hmm... y the big fuss of smth she usually wont bother abt... was quite sad abt it then aft the 2nd time was huh? wth? =.= guess i m not as impt to her as she was to me... nonetheless feb was fun fun fun..aft the cny period was the exams reali reali didnt do well i tink...omg so disappointed with myself... i dunno what the sudden... ugh... i guess i mus double up the effort !!

so basically tt was happenings that i remb in 2010... there are many other things as well jus i cant recall all

sia sadly... anw... hmm... aar part of the year... well i guess i made a good start and a good change in sp... i guess cos everything is still basic then... so nt put in alot of effort still sufficient but 2011 is nt the case any more so i should unplug the invincible mentality put in effort and go for it... i wan my gpa to be 3.7-3.8 when i grad... i noe its going to hard but i m here for precisely tt purpose if nt y come poly kayheng plz constantly remind urself... i tink 2010 i reali reali spend alot... omg... i tink its time to money conscious... i wan more $$ for things tt i would enjoy much more den eating snacks during breaks!! so less of tt plz... so my holiday dun nid to spend alot of time running and all to burn the fats... i tink i m evolving... took the personality test again ytd in the airport... my personality is changing quite a bit... i isnt as nice as 5 years go i guess... effects of army n recent happening ba... i jus hope aft my personality has harden/stabilise ppl wont go away from me!!! I tink its the year that make me realise there is more i can improve myself... in every area... i tot i was at bottle neck at some alr.. while the others i m jus too lazy to change it.... guess 2011 is the year to make improvements... i used to hate changes and i still do in sm aspects... but i realise its alot ez-er to change urself than to change the world or hope the world suits u... its a impossibility... 2010 is the year tt i realise to be nice to me is reali difficult.. i dunno how my family tahan me all tis time sia... haha but i guess i will be nicer to my family! and its sad to see ur parents starting to get frail and things like tt... and me mus buck up n nt let them worry abt me... 2010 i see tt u jus nid to care abt ppl who care abt u and resonate with them fun and happiness...be there for them when they need you... the rest of the world jus show them minimum can alr... of cos i m toking ppl who dun give a darn abt you... being nice to a wall is useless no matter how nice u r... still jus a wall... 2010 let me realise alot of things and let me remb alot of things... i guess i will alway forget abt it 1... so i will make a list later and to refer to it!! hahah... abt after action regret... i guess i shdnt have like her so fast so furious ba... jus make my life miserable nia... when there are so many other ppl ard... but i guess she still taught me alot abt myself... cos she is like a female version of me sia... its quite amazing the similarities...so i guess i get to noe her for a reason... i guess she oso make me realise tt the colour system is nt a liking system ba... its jus a soulmate type of system tt i depend so much as a emotional support... i dun nid tt kind of support actually i realise... its cos of the lack of trust in myself tt y i would cling on other ppl for appreciation and things like tt... besides i tink ppl like me wont like me... so no point! guess i need smone who can stand my crap or at least make me slow down for them... i nid a queen... nt a princess i guess.... i guess the only princess i would wan in my life would my daughter next time... haha... i tink i confirm treat her super nice 1... if boy i wont be so nice... cos they nid diff type of upbringing i guess... anw its too early to tink of it sia... haha... 23 onli still got maybe 5 -10 years? gosh i m so old... haiz... hahaha... tis is one of my greatest regret if i have put in the consistent effort then where would i be now? somestuff tt has happened to me is happening to her actually... i tried hard to nag to convince to i dunno...but guess ppl like us wont listen 1... to stubborn alr sometimes... we have to experience failure ourself b4 we will learn guai 1...

guess tis is the year tt i realise i being the missing piece for many things.... the thing tt suppose to be there and nt there...cos of my lack of belief in myself... even if i got a plan, i noe what to do n stuff i will alway let others do first den if no one step up den i do... end up alot of things mess up n stuff.... so tis year i guess i step up and be counted ba... but will still use my strengths and avoid my weaknesses... k tired alr... guess i will continue when i wake up before going vivo to meet mark they all

kayheng u r pathetic man... so no hope alr... u still link tt the tweets would be concerning u? u r transparent alr remb?

haiz... i tot its going to last a day or so onli...my emoness tt came back... i guess its my strong headedness tt can only last 2 days... back to my emo self alr... but i tink i dun wan my frens to worry alr... so i guess i will act like normal in front of them n hope they dun ask... i shall tink of a new name for a new blog den write the emo stuff tt so no one can see unless truly noe my pattern on how i would name my blog... guess nt alot people would...

went to run tis morning again... i guess certain part of me jus wan to exercise get tired so i can slp well at night so i wont tink so much... and avoid see her online at nite so i wont have the urge to tok to her... but it doesnt seem to help now... i emo day n nite alike... i tot running supposed to release hormones to make me happy... didnt felt it...it got worse actually... ran till everywhere was ache... but smwhere else was aching worse... guess i shouldnt have go see the msn convo history ba... it like ownself open the wound to bleed... while smiling... ugh...whats wrong with me ah... i tink i was reali happy then ba... even though i was sad tt she was sad tt time... dec and jan... tt when we reali reali toked.. i can see i tok with no mental block actually... but i can oso see some parts she asked to stop acting the way i acted... quite i didnt listen... first was the photos...

haiz its really sad to tink it tis way, but i guess she was pitying me from the start ba... nthing more... i was jus a distraction and smth to pass time ba... guess i was nt what she want and even not what she needs ba... cos i tried to please, to adore , to tok, even the glee pic tt i reblog to tell her everything is gonna be ok, jus trust me... guess i didnt show enuff to be trusted ba... there are ppl who would be there for her ba i guess... people who tok like her n she tok like him alr... no wonder i dun see my words appearing anymore, dun see her online as much... must be on the phone or smth ba...i not rich oso... jus ok to do...cos everyone in the family is working n i got my schship $$... i not charming and charismatic like the personality test say i m... i m not attractive... i m nth... i m jus a lame weird old guy.....y i m tinking abt all these?? if only my mom left hse for work alr... if nt i tink i would scream my lungs out... i should jus stop writing everything here alr... jus disappear further.... be more transparent den i alr is... i reali feel like shit when she put unwanted , nid smone to adore her...like wo bu shi ren like tt... reali there but not there... since when she so vocal 1 sia? mayb i changed her... she said before she haven met someone who she is willing to change yet... i guess girl dun meant what they say de ba... for she have change by a guy who she doesnt like...onli for other guys to come n take her away... how nice of me ah seriously, but by right i m suppose to not expect anything back in the first place... sad tt i did... for matters of the heart is never 1 for 1... esp when i m so insignificant and transparent... its like throwing all ur fortune into the wishing well and hope u get the same amount back... i guess it will sink into oblivion for me.... for even the combine wish of my bday , christmas, temple trips, every 1111 which i used to not believe isnt enuff... mayb i m at jet's lvl now for her alr...even the sight of me irks her... tt y i wont dare to tok to her alr... eventhough i reali reali wished she would come n tell me lets go back to wat it used to be... sad isnt it... for i wan smth tt is as distant as a star... i guess i finally noe the feeling of how she felt with him... jus cannot move... petrified.. looking at memories though its gone alr... and i realise even if i m irritated and angry i shdnt post shit on tweets or anywhere else tt can hurt people...esp when they meant so much to me... sm wounds can nv heal ba... haiz...mayb yanling is rite...she dun like clinging guys ba... i shd be gone... gone into the shadows... i guess she happy= i happy? but tink tis is also invaild...

ugh... i keep tinking again...haiz... darn... ahx1000000000000.... of cos i m sad la.... y wouldnt i be sad... but sad got use meh? who wont be sad being treated like dirt like tt... nw i jus wan look forward and nt emo cannot meh? even if i write what i reali reali feel got use meh? write tt i miss toking to her... miss everything n i den i see the blog when she say she dun like to write how she feel n nw writes so much... i wan to reply those tweets abt her being bored n stuff... but i noe i wont get a reply anw its nt for me those tweets...there is no way getting back to tok to her like in the past alr....and she isnt bothered by it even... she have so many ppl in her life....i oso wan to treat her well... i alway wan to do tt but dunno why she wont let me... while letting others... i jus dun wan ppl worry cannot meh? they worried for so long alr...tt y i look so ok alr...

k end of venting... shall go out n buy my aloe vera honey..

happy oso cannot sad oso cannot... =.=

i dunno what her purpose of those things seriously... i dun even know why i m explaining now when most like it would be viewed as excuses or smth...i wondered why today i m tinking abt all this again...ugh....i jus wan to run so fast tt i forgot that i fell till later when i can onli see the scarp? but i tink we both lost in the end... unknowingly i viewed in the very beginning that she give me a challenge to show how much i can like her... that why everything i do end up like reporting it but i meant what i did not jus to meet the challenge.... guess tt wasnt what she wanted lo i guess... sometimes i wish i can retry... erase all the screwed up part tt i did... cos i tink tt isnt reali me... i oso dunno what gotten into me actually... esp aft reading my personality report... ya... very diff when toking to her... then again it is nt possible...sorry that i the only 1 around tt like to go against her when everyone prefer to let her suit herself... i jus tink ppl like us nid reminders b4 its too late tt all... guess it makes things worse ba in the end... but i dunno what sort of challenge i give to her though... dun even noe if i even did... but if have den she lost as well then i guess... she is writing more alr.... she is getting doing whatever i m doing as well... writing hidden msg while replying to other ppl where i can see...i guess gals dun alway mean what they mean ba... i oso dun alway mean what i mean but i realise i cannot jus expect people to reach such high lvl of sync with me to noe actually what is n what not...so i tink 1 thing i will wan to improve is drop my venom on my tongue... i guess tis will make me less funny at times but at the expense of others guess not... i tink i will write less now cos everything i do seemed to be viewed in with a pair of got colour glasses.... i jus hope she know what she is doing... hope she can be happy :) cos all i cant make her happy anw y bother rite....k dun tink liao... ugh....

hmm tinking whether i shd do the permissions for the blog so onli some of my good frens can read like munchee's blog like tt... hmm... in the mean time... things i dun wan ppl to write but i still wan to write 1 change to draft alr... hope they wont delete on its own....